Hey Cuties,
I hope you had a productive week, if you are a Veteran than I thank you for your service. We are headed into the holiday season and for most of us that equals, food, family and friends. For others that means taking care of their loved ones that aren’t able to take care of themselves.
Did you know that November was National Family Caregivers Month? Honestly I didn’t know either until I did an interview with Caregiving Expert Amy Goyer. Amy Goyer is an expert in aging and families, specializing in family caregiving and multigenerational issues. She is the author of Juggling Life, Work, and Caregiving. She shared a wealth of knowledge with me and I’m passing it on in these five tips.
I have my own thoughts and experiences on care-giving but I did a little bit of crowd sourcing on Facebook to see what folks really thought. I loved their honesty. Naturally the women responded immediately. I tagged some guys to get the male perspective.
Q: If you had to take care of your parents or mate would you wipe their butt? Would you give them a bath?
Stats:
40 million Americans are caring for an adult relative or friend, but many of those people don’t even think what they are doing is considered care-giving.
- 1 in 4 caregivers is a Millennial (between the ages of 18 and 34)
- 40% of caregivers are men
- The estimated value of family caregiving in the U.S. is $470 billion.
- Family caregivers spend 18 hours per week providing care like bathing, dressing, preparing meals, administering medications, driving to doctor visits or paying bills.
- 68% of caregivers have used their own money to provide care and 39% of caregivers report feeling financially strained.
- 60% of family caregivers provide care for an adult while still being employed outside the home.
- More than half of caregivers say they feel overwhelmed by the amount of care their family member needs.
- Communication
- Talk to the doctor, know what your loved one is up against.
- Talk about their final wishes.
- Do you know if they want to be resuscitated if something happened?
- How often will you communicate with the doctors?
- Do you know the details of their ailment?
- Talk to the children in our lives, give them the right amount of information for their age.
- How do they want to be cared for?
2. Organization
- Knowing the wishes of your loved one.
- Having all legal documents in order. ex. living trust
- Have copies of their medical history
- Is the home safe to reside in with medical difficulties?
- Schedule Help
- Plan in advance, don’t wait until your loved one is ill.
- Determine your resources.
3. Health
- You have to take care of yourself FIRST.
- Sleep #1 Priority
- Nutrition
- Exercise
- See a doctor on a regular basis
- Eat 3 meals a day
- Don’t get depressed or burned out.
4. Help
- Long term care insurance.
- AARP Tools
- Retirement Planners
- How to Calculate your Social Security
- Research, Research, Research.
- As Family & Friends to assist.
- Allow your kids to help, give them responsibility beyond their age.
- Financial Power of Attorney
5. Rest & Relaxation
- Schedule time away to relax and decompress. Even if its only 5-10 mins.
- Do something unrelated to caregiving.
- Plan a vacation
- You must reset and recharge to keep going.
Have you had the talk with your mate, parents or children? Chat with me in the comment section below or FB, IG or Twitter.
Caring giving is a real issue that we usually don’t want to or aren’t ready to deal with. These really are awesome tips and points to think about. Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks Stacie, often times we don’t like to have those serious conversations.
I love this post. I would absolutely wipe my husband’s or parents’ butts. When you love someone, you do everything you can for them.
Stacie I love that.
These are great tips. My father in law had a caregiver before he passed. It is a lot of work and takes a certain person to do this work.
Lisa, I agree that it is a lot of work. My Mom took care of my grandmother and then Hospice came in towards the end to help.
I have not talked to anyone about this kind of stuff. I am pretty sure my dad would not want me to take care of him, but I would if he wanted me to. Everyone that I love I would help them in anyway I could.
I love that Jeanette, I think gender can sometimes complicate things.
This is so great for families who are caregivers. This would be great to post on some hospital website or groups.
Thanks Chasity I will see if I can share it with them.
Caregivers definitely deserve gratitude when we’re remembering to thank people this time of year. This really puts it into perspective.
Liz, they most certainly do.
This is such a wonderful article. I really loved every bit of it. I will happily take care of my loving parents if they ever need me.
Thanks Maria, I’m glad you have a plan.
This is just a good reminder that communication is so important in every part of life. Make your wishes known, make sure you understand expectations, and know what supports are available to you.
Jaime it really is.
These are all valuable points. We don’t like to think about these facts, but they are all important. I’m glad that you shared these tips because they do come in handy when you’re having to care for a loved one.
Lynsey, we don’t think about these things in advance. I want to make sure I’m prepared and I want others to be prepared as well.
Great read Mimi! I have actually had to clean up after my husband when he had a stomach bug and didn’t make it to the restroom in time, after sprinting like a track star lol. There was a trail all the way to the restroom. Sorry about the “tmi”. I would {very hesitantly} do what I had to do for my boo if necessary.
Girl I feel you, we do whatever we have to do for the ones we love.
I had no idea it was National Caregiving Month. Thanks for sharing because this is something we all need to be educated about because we could all find ourselves in this position one day.
LiveLifeWell,
Allison Jones
Thanks Allison, I will be ready on my own terms next time. This is instrumental
This is such a great topic and one that we really should consider before getting into a real situation. I would absolutely care for my father, mother or husband. Wiping behinds, yes. I don’t think any of us would ever be 100% comfortable with it, but I would definitely do it.
Thanks Michelle, I want to be ready vs. forced into something blindly. I hope this post gets folks talking about what they would do if they had to provide are or receive care.
These are great tips. I am ready to be a caregiver for my loved ones.
Glad you are prepared.
There are other countries who never even think of placing an aging parent in a nursing home. The extended family does all the care-giving tasks for their old parents, siblings, spouse or relatives. I have such high regard for those working in a nursing home. They do show that they really care for their patients.
My Mom quit her job to take care of my grandmother until her death. I plan to take care of my Mom in home when the time comes.
This is an excellent plan! At one point we took care of a very close family member. It was an experience for my heart. It is important for a plan to be implemented first.
Yes, I had to take care of my Mom after having cancer. I wish I had known some of these things first.
A month before my wedding date I had a horrible car accident. I broke several bones. My husband– not only took care of me… But married me in a will chair, with 3 broken bones… I couldn’t do anything for myself… He did it all… <3
Awww Aisha, he was a keeper before the wedding but I’m sure that validated things for you. Hope you are well.
I totally love your list and tips, for me the most important is the communications part 😀
I agree Diana, it all boils down to communication.
These are really great tips! I have been caring for my Grandma for quite some time now.
Sorry to hear that Mistee. I hope you get a chance to unwind a little bit.
I think family caregivers are people who are angels sent from the heaven. It’s somewhat a tiring job but since they love their family, any tired feeling will be converted to happiness to serve.
They are angels sent from heaven for sure.
My grandmother had Alzheimer and my mother had to care for her. My mom rarely took breaks and I knew that she needed to take care of her more. Great tips!
Kita my Mom was the same when while taking care of my grandmother. I learned how important breaks are during that time.
Communication is a huge thing, you are so right. MY husband is a big baby when he gets sick. As a Mom, I have experienced so many things that makes me end up vomiting as well.
I know that feeling so well, our kids and mates totally test our limits on what kind of care we can give.
I grew up seeing my parents took good care of my grandparents. And I will do the same. It has always been like that back home, we always take good care of our loved ones.
I love that Lynndee, I certainly watched my Mom take care of my grandparents. It is just what we do.
I didn’t realize it was National Caregivers Month! These are all great tips/tricks! I work at a hospital and see the sweetest caregivers come in to see their “people” when they are with us and the relationship they develop is so sweet.
Awww Ricci, that warms my heart.
I took care of a lot of people over the years in their homes. I have done a lot that I thought I never could but did it. Great post.
You sound like one tough cookie Bonnie. I think we can do more than we think, we just have to be put in the situation.
Helpful list! I haven’t touched this subject with my parents yet, but I would care for any of them in a heartbeat. I learned a lot about caregiving from my mom since she has been caregiving since she was a teenager, and she took care of my grandparents when they were sick.
HilLesha, ask them what their desires are. Make share you share yours as well.
Thank you for posing this important question and addressing this topic. I think my views were most articulated by Taya. It’s not going to be pretty or fun, but you do so out of love.
Yes, Bree. Love isn’t pretty but it is necessary.
I did not know it was caregiving month. I am my mom’s caregiver. She is fighting Cancer. I have not had to wipe her, LOL but I would if it came down to it. My care giving consist of , meal prep, doctor’s appointments, pharmacy, and helping her when she does not feel well.
I wish I had more help but it is what it is. The hardest part is not getting overwhelemed and depressed. Good thing I am Chaisng Joy. Blogging helps!
You are amazing! Try and get some moments to clear your head. Even if you only get lost in a few pages of your favorite book. I’m wishing your Mom a speedy recovery. I took care of my Mom as she battled cancer so I know what its like.
Great post Mimi! I had no idea there was a month for caregivers, but shoot now a days it’s a month for everything. I’m glad you posted this because it gives us something to think about if we’re ever in the role where we have to be a caregiver for others. Absolutely yes I would do whatever I had to do for my hubby if he could not care for himself and I know he would do the same for me.
Siobhan
http://www.befreeproject.com
That is awesome Siobhan, now you and hubby share your specific wishes.
I would never think twice about being a care giver. To me, it is part of being a family. If someone needs you, you help them. No questions asked.
I agree Ann, your family is great to have you.
Caregiving really can be defined in so many ways. I know people doing it who don’t self-identify that way either.
Rosey I think most of them don’t define themselves as such. You are being a good spouse, or parent or child. You don’t give yourself a title.
What an awesome post for National Caregiving Month. Great tips too! I haven’t had that talk with anyone yet, but I would definitely step up to the plate if need be, and I’m sure my family feels the same way.
That is great to hear Kasi. Now thing about some of your own wishes.
although many of don’t like to think of this, it may become a reality. It’s something that I think is a duty especially if it’s our parents and these tips will probably help a lot when navigating this tough situation.
Aidah, I totally agree.
Communication is so key. It is a little saddening, though not shocking, at the difference between the women’s answers and the men’s answers.
Tyra, I figured it would be. We are wired differently, their idea of taking care of someone is different than ours. That is why we are meant to be a pair.
My mom’s favorite saying ever is “When I get older I will wipe my own butt dont worry about it”! LOL I am serious…she has this fear no one is gonna be around to wipe her butt. I think I cant do it…I would pay top dollar! TOP TOP Dollar and be there to support my family I dont think i could ever put my parents in a home.
That is hilarious, but at least she let you know how she feels long before the time comes. Nothing wrong with hiring great care.
Great post and comes at a perfect time while I help care for the elders in my family. It can certainly be draining, but it is our duty to provide great care and support for our loved ones.
Valerie I agree, it is our job to take care of them as much as we can.
My mother was the caregiver for her mom and dad. One thing I always reminded her was to take some time off for herself, as it can cause too much stress.
Ashleigh, that is a huge lesson. Glad you had a great example.
My husband works in insurance, so I’m familiar the cost for Long Term care. I would need to hire someone.
I’m sure he has a wealth of information.