Hey Cuties,
I lost my mojo last week, I don’t know why I wasn’t able to write but I couldn’t. Today, I’ve gotten my act together and I’ve got some things to share with you. I’ve been to several events over the last two weeks and I want to share them all with you.
Photo Credit: Babe
I got all cute and Babe snapped my picture before I left home.
On Saturday before last, I headed out to the Brunch and Love DC event. The event was geared to helping single moms get back into the dating scene. To give them tips and tools that will undo their past experiences and make the dating process more enjoyable.And they know not everyone is the same when it comes to dating so they give a wide range of advice whether it’s looking on Disabled Dating Club if you’re disabled, finding an LGBTQ+ friendly space if you’re in the community, or just suggesting ways to find time to date if you’re a single mom!
Brunch and Love DC Speakers & Host
The speakers Left to Right:
Paul C. Brunson, The MatchMaker. Pamela Jenkins Booker, Former single mom and beauty brand boss of Koils by Nature. Kaywanda Lamb, The Winning Single Mom. Ella Rucker, Mentor, single mama, and entrepreneur. G, MatchMaker. Troy Spry, Mr. Xclusive thoughts, author, and relationship coach
TIP #2: To date effectively never leave the house looking a mess. Never leave home in your pajamas, I feel like this should be an unspoken rule but I see it happen so clearly people need this reminder. Just because you are dropping off your kids in the drop off line in school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t comb your hair, wash your face and brush your teeth. Even if you’re sat behind a computer screen looking at Nerd Dating Sites, if you just make yourself presentable, you will feel much more confident when talking to people and your charm and qualities will convey better.
Mi & Paul C. Brunson
TIP #3: Are you numbing yourself so you don’t have to address your insecurities? You have to learn to love yourself if you aren’t sure where to start then do this. Tell yourself what YOU LOVE about yourself. Yes, it feels awkward and you might feel stupid but just keep doing it. You will see the change and you will no longer feel crazy and you will believe the words coming out of your mouth. When dating we have to be willing to be vulnerable. You also have to be okay with the possibility that it may NOT work out!
TIP #4: Fall in LOVE with the person you’re dating today! Not what you want down the road! This means if your potential partner doesn’t get any better than where they are at this very moment are you okay with that? If you answer yes, pass go and collect $200. If your answer is no, and you think they are some how going to magically get some drive and have bigger goals down the road then STOP and abort the mission because this relationship has no future.
TIP #5: Flirting is showing that you are romantically interested in someone. Don’t be afraid to approach someone you find attractive. Strike up a convo! If you don’t have chemistry, then thank them for their time and keep it moving. There is nothing to see here. If you don’t want kids, then don’t date a man that wants them or has them. You aren’t going to magically change your mind down the road. You will likely wake up and regret changing who you are for someone else.
TIP #6: Sometimes we think we’ve lost in a relationship when you really won. God protects fools and babies and sometimes we fall in one of these two categories. Instead of getting down on yourself be glad that it didn’t work out. You didn’t want to be married to a psycho that mismanages their money and ruins your credit. It may hurt at the moment but boo this is a blessing. Go forth and be blessed without that headache and hassle.
Photo Credit: Chip Dizard
TIP #7: Per Paul there are three dating phases: 1. Chemistry 2. Shared Values (only shows itself in actions, not by what you say.) Do you date with values? What do those values look like in action? Can you describe them? and lastly 3. Character
TIPS #8: Women we need to make sure we are asking the right questions. We can’t expect them to read our mind. As life givers, we sometimes get caught up in assumptions and then we get mad when we are disappointed down the road. Did you ask that man if he was married? You can’t be mad when you find out he is married when you never asked. Be specific to ie: Are you married? Does anyone think they are married to you? Does anyone refer to you as their husband? etc. Ask the same question five different ways if necessary.
TIPS #9: It isn’t uncommon for those who are nervous to feel like they need to keep talking to get through a date. Unfortunately, this limits a true conversation that is intended to help you get to know each other. On the flip side, make sure that you aren’t only providing one-word responses to questions that you are asked. Be prepared with some items or conversation-starters for your date, but don’t go overboard. Allow yourself to let the conversation go where ever it seems to be going on its own, and ensure that both you and your date get an opportunity to both ask and answer questions, share perspectives, etc.
Photo Credit: Chip Dizard
TIP #10: Falling for a bad person doesn’t make you a bad dater. There are bad people in the world and sometimes they smell like sugar when we meet them and we don’t begin to smell the sh!t until a couple of months in. Don’t blame yourself unless you failed to follow the eight tips listed above. If you have a bad experience at an eatery you don’t stop eating. You just don’t go to that establishment.
TIP #11: Be the one, stop focusing on finding the one and focus on being the one. A man is NOT a plan, he can’t complete you. You need to be fully finished product when you meet him. You can’t be in BETA testing.
Photo Credit: Chip Dizard
For additional nuggets from the event search the #BrunchandLoveDC hashtag on Twitter.
What has your dating experience been like? Chat with me in the comments below or FB, IG, and Twitter.
I’m so glad I’m out of the dating world, but I do still love you last tip … Be the one! Be true to yourself and things will go much more smoothly and stress-free.
Yes, Cherri. Sometimes life can be so simple yet feel so hard.
These are such fab tips! I have some friends that are still dating and constantly wonder what they’re doing wrong. I’m passing these along!
Please do Doria.
These tips are absolutely rules. I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks, Courtney.
I’m not in the dating scene since I’m married, but I like these tips. Some these can apply to more than just dating. The point about being presentable is a good one. I try to look my best everyday.
I’m with you Terri, I took away tips and I’m not single.
These are great tips for people trying to get back into dating. I have a few friends who have kids and are recently divorced, and they are having a hard time moving on and getting back into the dating scene.
Marysa, share these with them. It can be tough.
I could have learned a bit from attending this event. The dating game isn’t easy in today’s world. It’s been especially confusing since I moved to DC.
Shantel, I know of another event coming soon in the DC area about dating. You should check it out as well.
I have several single friends in the DC, who aren’t moms, but still struggle with dating. Some dating issues are universal.
I totally agree Joyce. Even as someone who isn’t single these tips are helpful.
Yes, focus on being the one! I had a great time focusing on myself and traveling and somehow someway my friend that I had no interest in dating became my current love. Talk about surprises, but that’s because I was out living my best life. Sidebar, I completely understand the need for a writing hiatus but glad to have you back!
Oh Courtney, I love your story. That is exactly how it should be done. Get it girl!
This is a great resource for those who are thinking of going back to the dating scene. Number ten is the best.
#10 was my favorite as well.
You looked absolutely lovely. Events like this are so cool! What a great way to mingle and meet new people.
Thanks, Joely. I love to get dressed up. I love connecting with new people, seeing old faces and learning new information.
These are great tips on dating and falling in love! As a single lady I needed this post…HA!
Ha, take these tips Ricci and get out there.
Awe what a great opportunity! I love your top, you rocked that outfit!
Thanks, Rose.
I haven’t been part of the dating scene in a while, but these tips are great! They’re perfect for people who are currently looking for love. It’s really important that before you go out there and mingle, you learn to love yourself first.
I agree AnnMarie, we all need to make sure we are loving our self regardless of our dating status.
These are all great dating tips! I especially agree with #3. It is really important that you know and love who you are before you start dating. You need to be happy being you without someone, but the person you are dating need to compliment who you are as a whole but not make you who you are.
Yes, Jennifer. Your date should compliment what you already have going on. They are the dope handbag that compliments your perfect outfit.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. The lessons are great for all moms and especially single moms. I appreciate “a man is not a plan”, true true true.
Right, Lia. As women we are feelers and sometimes we allow that to cloud our judgement.
Uffff! Tips #3 and #10 are extra golden. As a daughter of a single parent that hasn’t lived much for herself post divorce, this article hits near and dear to my heart and desires for my mom. Single moms you are the real MVPs – now let the world know!
Wow Arlene, feel free to share it with her. Maybe she will get her mojo back and get out there. I was also raised by a single parent, so I totally get it.
#9 is so real. I swear the wrong perspective on #9 gave me dating fatigue. It’s just time to change my eatery I guess!
Right Ayak. That perspective spills over in other areas of our life.
I think these are great tips! I have been married 10 years and I agree that you have to love the person you are dating now, not what you think they will be. Yes, we all change and the man I married 10 years ago is not the man I am married to today, but his quirks and habits are definitely the same. Also, enjoy the process or meeting people and that sweet moment of falling in love!
Emily, I love this!!!
These are excellent tips. Dating is super hard when you’re a single mom. I’m a former single mom too.
I’m sure, glad it has worked out for you.
I absolutely love all of these tips. I’m happily married but I remember dating when I was a little younger and these all applied then too! Very positive!
I agree Louise, dating can be tough but these tips will help.
These are definitely some great tips when it comes to dating. Thanks for sharing these.
Thanks, Shannon.
Your “Pin It” lips are a nice touch. They go well with the topic of your post.
Hahahaha, Thanks Tim.
It’s been so long since I last went on a date. Unless we’re talking about my husband. I think these tips are perfect for today’s generation!
Thanks, Carol. I think we should all be taught how to date at a young age.
I love your tip #4 the most – it is important to realize that people might not change the way we imagine them. We have to enjoy being with the person today, with all of his/her quirks and fun features!
Yup! I feel like this tip could change peoples lives.
I totally agree about falling in love with the person you’re dating today. You can’t expect to turn a person into what you want them to be to you (i.e. change/fix them). It just doesn’t work. Thanks for reiterating that!
YES Louisa! You get it girl. If they get better great but don’t expect it.
Sounds like a fab event with great dating advice! Loved the recap and pics.
Thanks Kasi, it was a really good time.
These tips are relevant across the board. For men, women and singles. I like how they included not leaving the house looking a mess…you’re right, it seems so simple yet so many people think a quick trip somewhere gives a pass to allow them to do this.
I totally agree EG. I will remember some of these tips and use them in my relationship.
Ha! this was a fun read as I am a single Ma back out in the dating world… Luckily, dating hasn’t been too hard/bad (I’ve got those 10 steps down!) But the guy I’m dating for about 2 months wants to get serious and the only complaint I have is that there’s no special spark. He’s a damn good looking man (attractive to the eye) but I wish the spark/passion/chemistry was strong! Other than that he’s the most thoughtful, nice, successful, communicative man I’ve EVER dated!
Oh wow, Eloise. Do you equate a spark to chemistry? If so, eeek.
Dating is so tough nowadays. I guess I just don’t want to put forth the effort that it takes to date but I will kepp these tips in mind. Thanks for sharing.
It is like a job now.