I lost my mojo last week, I don’t know why I wasn’t able to write but I couldn’t. Today, I’ve gotten my act together and I’ve got some things to share with you. I’ve been to several events over the last two weeks and I want to share them all with you.
I got all cute and Babe snapped my picture before I left home.
On Saturday before last, I headed out to the Brunch and Love DC event. The event was geared to helping single moms get back into the dating scene. To give them tips and tools that will undo their past experiences and make the dating process more enjoyable.And they know not everyone is the same when it comes to dating so they give a wide range of advice whether it’s looking on Disabled Dating Club if you’re disabled, finding an LGBTQ+ friendly space if you’re in the community, or just suggesting ways to find time to date if you’re a single mom!
The speakers Left to Right:
Paul C. Brunson, The MatchMaker. Pamela Jenkins Booker, Former single mom and beauty brand boss of Koils by Nature. Kaywanda Lamb, The Winning Single Mom. Ella Rucker, Mentor, single mama, and entrepreneur. G, MatchMaker. Troy Spry, Mr. Xclusive thoughts, author, and relationship coach
TIP #2: To date effectively never leave the house looking a mess. Never leave home in your pajamas, I feel like this should be an unspoken rule but I see it happen so clearly people need this reminder. Just because you are dropping off your kids in the drop off line in school doesn’t mean you shouldn’t comb your hair, wash your face and brush your teeth. Even if you’re sat behind a computer screen looking at Nerd Dating Sites, if you just make yourself presentable, you will feel much more confident when talking to people and your charm and qualities will convey better.
TIP #3: Are you numbing yourself so you don’t have to address your insecurities? You have to learn to love yourself if you aren’t sure where to start then do this. Tell yourself what YOU LOVE about yourself. Yes, it feels awkward and you might feel stupid but just keep doing it. You will see the change and you will no longer feel crazy and you will believe the words coming out of your mouth. When dating we have to be willing to be vulnerable. You also have to be okay with the possibility that it may NOT work out!
TIP #4: Fall in LOVE with the person you’re dating today! Not what you want down the road! This means if your potential partner doesn’t get any better than where they are at this very moment are you okay with that? If you answer yes, pass go and collect $200. If your answer is no, and you think they are some how going to magically get some drive and have bigger goals down the road then STOP and abort the mission because this relationship has no future.
TIP #5: Flirting is showing that you are romantically interested in someone. Don’t be afraid to approach someone you find attractive. Strike up a convo! If you don’t have chemistry, then thank them for their time and keep it moving. There is nothing to see here. If you don’t want kids, then don’t date a man that wants them or has them. You aren’t going to magically change your mind down the road. You will likely wake up and regret changing who you are for someone else.
TIP #6: Sometimes we think we’ve lost in a relationship when you really won. God protects fools and babies and sometimes we fall in one of these two categories. Instead of getting down on yourself be glad that it didn’t work out. You didn’t want to be married to a psycho that mismanages their money and ruins your credit. It may hurt at the moment but boo this is a blessing. Go forth and be blessed without that headache and hassle.
TIP #7: Per Paul there are three dating phases: 1. Chemistry 2. Shared Values (only shows itself in actions, not by what you say.) Do you date with values? What do those values look like in action? Can you describe them? and lastly 3. Character
TIPS #8: Women we need to make sure we are asking the right questions. We can’t expect them to read our mind. As life givers, we sometimes get caught up in assumptions and then we get mad when we are disappointed down the road. Did you ask that man if he was married? You can’t be mad when you find out he is married when you never asked. Be specific to ie: Are you married? Does anyone think they are married to you? Does anyone refer to you as their husband? etc. Ask the same question five different ways if necessary.
TIPS #9: It isn’t uncommon for those who are nervous to feel like they need to keep talking to get through a date. Unfortunately, this limits a true conversation that is intended to help you get to know each other. On the flip side, make sure that you aren’t only providing one-word responses to questions that you are asked. Be prepared with some items or conversation-starters for your date, but don’t go overboard. Allow yourself to let the conversation go where ever it seems to be going on its own, and ensure that both you and your date get an opportunity to both ask and answer questions, share perspectives, etc.
TIP #10: Falling for a bad person doesn’t make you a bad dater. There are bad people in the world and sometimes they smell like sugar when we meet them and we don’t begin to smell the sh!t until a couple of months in. Don’t blame yourself unless you failed to follow the eight tips listed above. If you have a bad experience at an eatery you don’t stop eating. You just don’t go to that establishment.
TIP #11: Be the one, stop focusing on finding the one and focus on being the one. A man is NOT a plan, he can’t complete you. You need to be fully finished product when you meet him. You can’t be in BETA testing.
For additional nuggets from the event search the #BrunchandLoveDC hashtag on Twitter.